A Health unto HRH (and Confusion to his Enemies)

by Michael Patrick O'Leary

I have made my own  tradition of sending Prince Charles greetings on his birthday. November 14 is here again, and I haven’t yet got Chas a present. This year he is  64 and still hasn’t got a proper job.

Usually I churn out an article  along the lines of  “Happy birthday, Sir,  and long may you prosper at our expense!” This year there is a new development. An old pal, nay “mentor” indeed! of HRH  is attracting a lot of posthumous interest. One Jimmy Savile is a hot topic of conversation with the British public and establishment.

Savile, a former Yorkshire miner, ballroom manager, wrestler and disc jockey is rocking the British establishment with tremors being felt in the BBC, National Health Service (NHS), the press, police, Crown Prosecution Service,  academia, charities, toffs clubs and even the monarchy. From his humble origins, Savile rose to become a knight of the realm, Knight ­Commander of St Gregory the Great , a member of the exclusive Athenaeum club, an advisor to Israeli governments, a confidant of popes, princes and prime ministers.

Charlie’s pal Jim used this power-base to rape and molest children, some of them sick or disabled, one with brain damage. It appears he used the premises of the BBC and the NHS to carry out his nefarious deeds.

The Drivelling Dauphin counted Jimmy Savile as a friend.

Prince Charles led tributes to Savile on the national treasure’s  death  a year ago. Savile  was a frequent visitor to Buckingham Palace, Kensington Palace and Highgrove (Prince Charles’ estate). Charles sent a Christmas card saying: “Jimmy, with affectionate greetings from Charles. Give my love to your ladies in Scotland”. Princess Diana described Savile as a “sort of mentor to Charles”. He is said to have offered marriage guidance to the trouble-and-strife-beset Charles and Diana.

Prince Charles himself was entertained by Savile at his Glencoe cottage retreat, Allt na Reigh,  in the Scottish highlands where Savile is alleged to have abused more than 20 victims.

Dickie Arbiter, who handled media relations for the Prince and Princess of Wales while spokesman for the Queen between 1988 and 2000, said that when Savile visited St James’s Palace he  used to rub his lips up the arms of Prince Charles’s young female assistants as a greeting. Arbiter said he thought the women might have thought Savile’s greeting was “rather funny”, but he said it was a cause for concern and he struggled to understand why Savile was granted such access to the royal family. “I looked on  him as a court jester and told him so,” said Arbiter. “I remember calling him an old reprobate and he said ‘not so much of the old’.”

I wonder if Chas’s thoughts will stray to his machang Jim on his birthday. Anyways,  Chas won’t be short of a bob or two to take his mind off things.

The London Daily Mirror is a UK paper that is read by  Chavs and Pikeys, white trash,  the great unwashed working class – sorry, I meant to say loyal subjects. For its special 60th birthday issue the UK Daily Mirror revealed some fascinating facts about Prince Charles.

Chuck  wears handmade shoes that cost £650 a pair. Turnbull & Asser make his shirts and also, from 2006, his made-to-measure suits, which cost up to £2,500. Previously, Savile (no relation to Jimmy) Row tailors Anderson & Sheppard handmade his suits, at £4,000 a pop. This should set an example of frugality to all of us in this age of austerity – time for us all to cut our clothing expenses. As Thoreau so wisely wrote: “beware of any enterprise that requires the purchase of new clothes”.

No fancy silk monogrammed Jimmy Palmers for our Chas – he always sleeps in the nude. Calm down, Ladies!

He has a boiled egg every afternoon. Chefs boil seven eggs at once to make sure one is perfect.

Whatever about his seeming extravagance at the taxpayers’ expense, Charles has  a reputation for caring about the planet. He runs his 32-year-old Aston Martin on bio-fuel made from English wine. Better than drinking the foul brew! His Jaguars, Audi and Range Rovers have all been converted to run on 100 per cent biodiesel made from used cooking oil. This is one great eco-friendly  prince, don’t you know!

For his 60th he  was photographed in his birthday suit, the ceremonial uniform of the Welsh Guards. Being a prince gives the chance to dress up and play-act (this runs in the family – his son Harry got a lot of unfavourable publicity dressing up as a Nazi). Charles is often snapped festooned with medals! He must be a very brave man. Being a royal is like being in a big play-pen.

The palace is keen to portray itself as an institution which is sharing the pain in these austere times. In July 2012 the palace claimed that expenditure had fallen by 26% in real terms from a level of £36.5m three years ago. Last year did see  a fall in the Civil List, most of which pays wages, but royal travel and upkeep of residences rose. The published accounts do not show the cost of security for the Royal Family. When the Queen’s granddaughter Zara Phillips got married, the wedding cost  Scottish police £400,000.

BBC royal correspondent Peter Hunt said: “The price of royal travel is what tends to excite attention year in, year out.” The royal travel bill for 2011 was £6.1m. A Prince Andrew charter flight to Saudi Arabia cost £81,000; a Prince Charles royal train journey was £38,016.

Charles came to Sri Lanka in 2005 to help out after the tsunami. He  visited Batticaloa but floundered helplessly. “I feel awful. All I have done is interrupt their very hard work. You’ve got a lot more to do when I’m gone,” he told the volunteers. That trip by Prince Charles to Sri Lanka cost British taxpayers £300,000. We took  food and supplies to Hambantota in our car and it didn’t cost nearly as much as that. How much parippu can you buy for £300,000?

Sharing the pain should not mean stealing from the poor. The Independent newspaper revealed documents that showed the Queen had tried to claim for  Buckingham Palace gas and electricity bills from funds set aside for energy-saving grants aimed at families on low incomes.

The Queen’s loyal armed forces seem to have been particularly badly treated by governments during the misguided adventures in Iraq and Afghanistan. All the royal family have a fetish for dressing up in military uniforms and pretending to be soldiers or sailors. This is supposed to convey a solidarity with the armed forces. Does it make any more sense than Bush dressing up as a pilot off the coast at San Diego to prematurely proclaim “Mission accomplished” for the invasion of Iraq? I wonder if the royal family expressed their solidarity with the British armed forces by trying to persuade Her Majesty’s Government to give them a better deal in terms of equipment, homes and pensions and to treat them with the respect that they deserve.

There have been calls for the UK Government to strip Jimmy Savile of the British knighthood he was awarded in 1990. I wonder what the birthday boy thinks.